once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
