You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sponge bath it is.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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