The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
ok first of all what the fuck
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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