her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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