during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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