Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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