my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize