thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
