wat bout pragnant strippers??
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
