How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
