please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
