I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
