I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
