What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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