woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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