i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Blood and glitter go together right?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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