the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
