I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
