i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
