I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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