My friends, they love my intelligence
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
