Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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