please come you make the beer taste better
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
