I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
