You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
