I think my vagina is haunted
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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