just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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