best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Are we still banned from the library?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i black out too much to be "responsible"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
