laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
