I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
