I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
