Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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