just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
