Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
