im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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