The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
