I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
