I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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