Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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