I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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