Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
