you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
