Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
