my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
