I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
