Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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