yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
