Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
