I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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