Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize