Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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