i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
