Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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