Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
