either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
