I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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