dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
