New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize