tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
