i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
