Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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