I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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