I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
