When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He did a backflip because drugs
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize