I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
