My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
