Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
