some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
