they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
