I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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